Getting by
by Errol's Feather
Summary: The aftermath of the episode The Killer. How commander Waller managed to get by after her son was sent to jail. The story takes place twelve years later.


**_Authors Note: _**I felt a bit sorry for Admiral Amanda Waller losing everything when she found her stepson was a killer, and I wanted to do a story about the aftermath. The story takes place twelve years after episode 10 season 8 The killer.

**_DISCLAIMER: _**I do not own JAG: Judge Advocate General, and I do not own any money from it.

_**Getting by.**_

Admiral Amanda Waller looked over the railing as her men walked ashore in Naples in Italy as her sailors went ashore. She sighed heavily, not wanting to leave her ship. Especially not here. This harbor only brought back bad memories.

"Ma'am..?" she heard a female voice say behind her.

She turned to face on of her female lieutenants saying, "Yes, lieutenant Jennings."

"Are you feeling all right?" the young woman asked concerned.

"No I am not," the admiral answered, with a very heavy sigh.

"Do you wish to talk about it ma'am?" the lieutenant asked, looking at her leader with worried eyes. Never before had she seen her like this, she seemed agitated, sad and frustrated and not in a good way.

"You know where we are?" the admiral asked.

"Naples ma'am," she answered.

"Yes, but have you heard about what happened here about twelve years back?" she asked.

"No ma'am I cannot say that I have," said the lieutenant said. She of course knew the admiral was against docking there, but she never learned the reason. And she hadn't exactly asked either, figuring it was not in her place to do so as the admiral's personal issues was after all just that, person.

"Twelve years ago my stepson brutally killed more than one woman. We first thought it was someone on the ship, but everything led back to him," she said with a heavy sigh.

"What happened after they found out ma'am?" she asked.

"He got sent to jail, I haven't had any contact with him since it happened. I simply couldn't manage to look him in the eyes again, knowing what he had done. One thing is to use the uniform under war and killing because no choice. Another thing is using one to put someone else to blame because of your own bad actions," said the admiral.

"He dishonored you ma'am, not only as his stepmother but as a commander and a navy officer, and that hurt you even more than his actions," she said, looking at the hurt expression the admiral's eyes.

The admiral looked away as the lieutenant in an insecure tone said, "And you couldn't live with that."

"That I could not," she said with a heavy sigh, facing her again.

"That is very understandable," said the other woman, daring to let her hand rest on her arm as she looked into her eyes.

"It was just too hard, and by now too much time will have passed, I cannot go back in time, the matters will rest as the have up to now," said the admiral, looking back into the eyes of a younger woman.

"How did you get by it, I mean you had already lost your husband, but this must have been like losing a son," she said.

"The same way I got by after Christopher died, by working and being with my crew, they are after all my family," said the admiral and smiled vaguely at her.

"I know how you feel, we are a pretty great team," said the lieutenant and smiled back.

"That we are lieutenant Jennings, that we are," she agreed.

"So you want to come off the ship to get some fresh air, change of scenery?" the lieutenant asked, looking at her with insecure eyes.

"I suppose it couldn't hurt for a change to have a beer while we are on shore leave, but I am buying," she said with a giggle.

"I suppose that is only fair as I picked up the tab at the last shore we were at," said the lieutenant and reached to give her a peck on the cheek.

"Not her in clear view, wait to later," said the admiral in a warning tone.

"Of course ma'am," she said, backing off just a little.

"That's better, and you know you are also one of the reasons I managed to get by, I know I couldn't have done it without you Sara," said the admiral.

The lieutenant blushed shyly saying, "I appreciate that and it has been an honor bot serving under you and getting to know you over the years," she said.

"Likewise, so shall we…?" she said making a hand gesture.

Sara nodded and walked towards the door, wiggling her behind a little. Amanda just shook her head and smiled, thankful that she had both Sara and the rest of the crew in her life. It made everything so much easier to have someone to share every joy and sorrow with, not having to cope with it all alone.

The admiral realized then more than ever just how lucky she was. Sara turned and looked at her asking, "Are you coming, my admiral."

"I am," she answered, as she walked to join her, walking of the ship, as the troubles from the past finally seemed to drift away.

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Feedback always welcome and very much appreciated :o)


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